I'VE RECEIVED A QUERY LETTER!!
From: Mr. Ben Mark--------
To: Undisclosed Recipients
Date: Tue, May 4, 2010 at 5:26 PM
Subject: Second Notice!
I understand that through Internet is not the best way to link up with you because of the confidentiality which my proposal demands.
However, I have already sent you this same letter one month ago,but I am not sure if it did get to you since I have not heard from you, hence i am constrain to reach you through the Internet which has been abused over the years.
I wish to notify you again that You were listed as a Heir to the total sum of (Three Million Six Hundred Thousand British Pounds) in the codicil and last testament of the deceased.(Name now withheld since this is our second letter to you). We contacted you because you bear the surname identity and therefore can present you as the Heir to the inheritance funds.
Please indicate your interest immediately for us to proceed. I shall feed you with full details of this transaction upon receipt of your reply towards this proposal.
All the legal papers will be processed in your acceptance. In your acceptance of this deal, we request that you kindly forward to us your letter of acceptance; your current telephone and fax numbers and a forwarding address to enable us file necessary documents at our high court probate division for the release of this sum of money.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Mr. Ben Mark (Barrister)
PROBLEM #1 : not addressed properly.
PROBLEM #3 : too many typos.
PROBLEM #4 : too much telling, not enough showing.
PROBLEM #5 : we know nothing about the protagonist.
PROBLEM #6 : this is a RE-query.
PROBLEM #7 : improper capitalization in a business letter.
PROBLEM #8 : improper usage of semicolons & commas.
PROBLEM #9 : insufficient contact information.
Dear Mr. Mark,
Thank you so much for your query.
Unfortunately, this project doesn’t sound right for me. I encourage you to continue to submit elsewhere, and I wish you every success in your writing career.
Thanks again for thinking of me.
T. H. Mafi
sorry Mr. Mark.
but this is a form rejection.